What else could you call it? Zoos were places where animals that deserved to be free were made to do tricks before crowds of nincompoops. Here, Ethan was forced to wear a yellow apron and a fake smile, and repeat the same dull slogan to whatever nincompoop walked through the front door.

“Hi! Welcome to Baker Rick’s! We’ve got what you need in every aisle at every hour!”

Ethan spent his whole life in zoos. He’d learned that...