With an absurd amount of shame piled on top of my embarrassment, I clearly heard the Hoopty's emergency lights screaming at me each time they flashed: 'YOU IDIOT, YOU IDIOT, YOU IDIOT, ...'! 

Unfortunately, I didn't know it at the time, but the Hoopty was dangerously straddling the tracks. I knew that I needed to move the car quickly before an oncoming train smashed it to smithereens, prematurely sending me to kingdom come.

Amazingly, I kept my cool and hadn't panicked yet. I tried to st...