Alone
I lay here, alone in my bed. It’s turned midnight and my husband just arrived home from his date with Ms. Heather Williams. She used to be my best friend when we were younger, but now she’s the “other woman.” Or more likely, I’m the other woman. I see him looking in the mirror as he brushes his teeth. He’s watching himself and I wonder what he’s thinking. Is he wishing he was back with her? I know he only stays with me because of my trust fund. There’s no way he could support Heather’s extravagant lifestyle which, by the way, comes from my money.
He's rinsing his mouth now and pauses a moment to check a spot on his shirt collar. It’s a pink lipstick stain. I used to use that same shade, but Ms. Williams took that over, too. Now I hate that color. I lay here wondering what the next thing she takes from me will be.
Jealousy was never my strong point, but since the start of their affair, I find myself seething with a range of emotions. I know I shouldn’t give a shit and just accept it, but it hurts. She gets to do things with my husband that I can’t.
My husband turns off the bathroom light and goes to his side of the bed, changing into his pajamas and throwing his clothes in the hamper. He walks over to my side and checks the level on my compressor, making sure that I’m getting the right amount of oxygen. He adjusts my nasal cannula, and asks if I need anything before he sleeps. I can smell my old brand of perfume on his skin as he bends to kiss me on the cheek. He could have taken a shower, or at least used a washcloth to scrub off her scent. Yeah, she took my favorite perfume, too. It dawns on me that he uses her as a substitute wife figure because I can’t do the things for my husband that she can.
I guess I can’t really blame him. Wouldn’t you rather have a partner you can dance with? Go on dates with? Make love with?
I am paralyzed and bedridden. Have been for three years now. My dear ex-best friend was driving me home from a night out barhopping. We had so much fun that night until she overturned the car, and I couldn’t move anymore. With that, she had taken my dignity too. That was the beginning of the mess I now find myself in.
I don’t see anything changing in the near future. My nurse sees my hurt and tries to convince me I’d be better off ending everything, but I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. I will keep things the way they are. For now, anyway.