We were doing everything they told us to do. We washed our hands relentlessly. We stayed home and ordered take-out. We started having our groceries delivered. We even had plenty of toilet paper stocked up and stowed away under the sinks. I had always dyed my own gray hair and had a couple of boxes in the cabinet.

Of course, my hair grew into a shag. Not like the old Farrah Fawcett do, more like Phyllis Diller. That was one downside, but really, a rubber band fixed that pretty easily. I'd never been...