"Are you okay? You look kind of pale." Yael asked I hadn't said a word the whole trip to the hospital. Luckily, he carried a bandana with him, but now it was socked with blood.
"I'm okay." I lied but truth was that my heart kept strangely pounding, after the loss of blood my head felt hollow.
I didn't think I'd die from it though, but it sure felt like it. Putting a hand over my heart. Cameron came to my mind, I didn't want to lose him, even if it meant me being in pain, at least I wanted to be close to him, so when I disappear he would at least remember my name.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked through my pressed nose which made Yael chuckle.
Breaking the silence between Yael and me. He was concentrated on the road. Letting me recover my strength. The Radio playing one of his favorite Spanish songs. Thanks to Yael I was adventuring into his culture and I loved it. He always played nice old music for me. He said if I could understand what every song he played, I wouldn't stop crying. Although his family was Salvadorian, his favorite artist was Leo Dan, and Argentinian ballad singer, and every time he played his music I could feel what he meant. The passion and the melody were heart touching. It calmed me and made me wonder about life. The perfect meditation music. I could see Yael glancing at me from the corner of his eye. He nodded. Biting my lower lip, fixing my hair behind my ear, I turned my eyes to the window, avoiding Yael's eyes.
"Has Cameron, you know..." I said but paused and started again.
"Ever been serious, about anyone?" I finished out of breath. Letting Yael feel more pity than he already did, I suck in my shame.
"Forget it," I said, in the end regretting opening my mouth. I just loved to torture myself with false hope, and I hated that.
"Sam," Yael breathed out my name.
"Cameron, doesn't believe in things like love or relationships, and honestly, like I said before, for your own good, don't misunderstand his interest as something serious," he said carefully trying not to hurt me. I smiled feeling stupid.
"To be honest, all those girls you hear about are not as innocent. Cameron just gives them what they ask for. Is not like he forces them to be with him. As a guy, we can't say no to a girl that throws herself at you." Yael explained and it did make sense. It wasn't like they were sexual predators, they were just weak to temptation.
"But, you're not like that... You hardly go out with anyone. That's why Miles is such an asshole to you." I commented. I did hate the senseless comment Miles made about anyone but for Yael, I felt the need to defend him because he was important to me.
"Maybe he's right..." Yael said almost as a whisper. His eyes on the road narrowed. The music changed to a more relaxing song.
"The fact that I don't feel anything when I'm with a girl is something I can't change," he said in the softest voice my broken heart could hear. My heart squeezed because admitting something as deep as this Yael must have struggled like I did, but for his own condition.
"When you said you were also like me, you love someone you can't be with, is the one you love ..." I stopped. I couldn't even get the name out of my throat. The shock, the truth, and the disbelief shudder my soul. The way he defended only one person. The way he looked hurt when he was with my sister. No way. My eyes widen in shock.
"Cameron," he whispered the word with a slightly shaky voice.
I wanted to scream and cry. How unfair life was going to get. To me, to Yael and to Cameron. To know that I was in love with the same guy Yael. The same guy Rocky had something with, the same guy my sister was messing with. This was a low blow to my soul, to my heart and to my spirit. But what about Yael. I wanted to cry, I really wanted to cry at this moment. I didn't want to complain to God, but I couldn't understand his plan.
"Chill, Sam." Yael soothed me, which it wasn't fair at all.
Yael was there for Cameron, through the good and bad times, so he was for his sister, and for me. It wasn't fair to him. It was painful, and lonely to think that he had to keep watching the one he loved screwing around with everyone. Did he question God, like I was not trying to?
"Yael..." I tried but I couldn't. Words couldn't make it out my throat. My chest hurt because I knew that if Yael knew that Cameron had also done things with his sister, he would feel even worse than I felt when I saw him with Aubrey.
"See, we have more things in common than we thought, now let's keep it a secret," he said with a sour smile that broke my already demolished heart. I nodded as a tear rolled down my cheek.
"Don't sweat it, Sam. I chose friendship over love either way," he said gently placing his soft hand on mine.
I wanted to be just as good he had to me all the time. I wanted to give him the support he always gave me, but all I could do was cry because we were together on a path we couldn't get out of without getting hurt first. Taking his hand and squeezing it, I quietly cried while he drove me to the hospital.