Chapter Five
I drove to Barnes and Noble, and parked underground. Taking the elevator up to the street level, I entered the store and looked around. I found the “healthy living” section and began to browse. There were so many books on the subject. I pulled out one at random and turned to the first page. It was an exercise book, and written in bold black letters was a warning to consult your doctor before beginning any fitness programs. That had me thinking. I hadn’t been to my md in a long time. I guess it was time for an appointment. I wondered if he’d be able to see me before Thursday.
I picked out a few more books, a couple healthy cookbooks and then thought about one more thing I really wanted. I walked down a few more aisles and saw what I was looking for. The journal section had plenty to choose from. I decided I was going to document this journey of mine, starting today. I picked one that looked old, with an ancient map on the leather cover. I opened it up to see the college ruled light-yellow pages. It was about an inch-and-a-half thick. Plenty of space to write. I added it to the pile I was carrying and walked to the check-out line. There were just a few people ahead of me, and I patiently waited my turn.
“Next, please.”
I plopped my books on the counter and smiled at the cashier. Her name was Jasmine, and she smelled like she had on jasmine perfume or body spray. I really liked it.
“Did you find everything you were looking for today?” She asked me.
“Yes, thank you.” While she was totaling my purchases, I looked around on the counter. There was an area that had pens. Expensive ones. I picked up a pretty burgundy and silver one and clicked it on and off. I knew this was an impulsive buy, but I handed it to the cashier. “I’ll take this, too.”
“That is a great pen. The ink flows so smooth and it feels great when you’re holding it. You could write for hours and hours.” Jasmine said, placing it in a pen-length box.
I smiled again and paid with my credit card. Jasmine handed me a brown paper bag that had jute corded handles, and I left the store, happy with my purchases. The bag was a little heavy, I had gotten 3 books plus the journal and pen.
The book store opened into the Headways mall. I walked around, peering into different shops. Nothing caught my interest, so I turned to leave.
There were five boys in front of me. Teenagers. I thought, “here we go.”
The tallest one gave me a look up and down. “Hey, fuck you, fat stuff.”
“Original…” I thought, rolling my eyes. I had a million comebacks, years of growing a hard shell. “I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I’m pretty sure you’d be disappointed.”
The other boys started laughing and jabbing the tall one. The look on his face was a cross between anger and embarrassment. So, of course, he had to say something more.
“Are you crazy or something? What’s wrong with you?”
“The only thing that’s wrong with me, is that I’m talking to you.”
He was thinking real hard now.
“Looks like your mama had an epic fail. You!” He looked around like someone was keeping score or something.
“I can eat alphabet soup and shit out a much better reply than that.” I said.
That got the boys laughing again, even the tall one had a grin on his face. “Come on guys, let’s go. She’s cool.”
I turned to watch them go. One of the other boys turned back and gave me a thumbs up. That made me smile.
******
That evening, I began reading “Your best you!” by Margaret Edwards. I was starting to really relate to what she wrote.
…you are the only one who is going to live your life. Be
the best you that you can be. Don’t let anyone or anything
become who you are. You are a unique individual, no one
else in the world past, present, or future will be like you…
I had to learn to be more positive about myself. I’ve always looked down on myself and I know that didn’t help things. But I felt a change brewing in my soul. Things were going to get better. I’d get healthy, get in shape, and have a more confident outlook on life, starting tonight.